HAYDN P: 2010

Friday, December 31, 2010

happy new year

blogging from my phone, therefore it may seems a little untidy and full of spelling mistakes. I was recalling where did i spent my new year eves for the past years. I think three years ago, i was still in scdf. I had a big fire or not exactly that big. It was a one unit three room flat house. I remember i recused a dog out of that unit that day, not too much details as it is classfied. One year later, i was in perth watching fire works. My plane was landing into perth airport. It was a very beautiful night as i was a new cabin crew. Everything was new and fresh. Air crew, flight attendant, traveling. I was having the time of my life. The year after, i was in cairns, listening to black eyed pea, i gotta feeling at novotel hotel watching the fireworks display having a room party with my fellow colleagues. Carefree life as i always had. No worries, no trouble. Earn two k spend two k. anything else, i know friends are there. My family are there, my love one is there. Taking life for granted.

Downfall came. When i repeat my mistakes and mistakes again. That's when i plurged into depression. No one will pretty much understand what i went through. The hardest part was maybe to seek people understanding. It was the toughest period in my life. Even my job, i could not handle it. Had to quit it. I tried to seek it. End up i try to run away from it. I wished there are many things i did not do and wish i did. Months and months of torturing myself. Mentally. Finally i see the lights.

Taking the past as a good lesson. Instead of dragging it on.

Happy 2010!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Top 5 emo song 2010

Owl City - Vanilla Twilight

寂寞寂寞就好

Wang Lee Hom - Ni Bu Zhi Dao De Shi 你不知道的事

說了再見 - 周杰倫

The song that made me teared the most.
Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone

The 5 most annoying songs of 2010

The songs that really ANNOYED ME this year.

No 5
This Tv show which has been going on and on and on

No 4
I am sorry you G6-ers,

No 3
you know i love you boy hot like mexico?

No 2
No offend, I really think she's better in the past, what gaga wo la la?

MOST ANNOYING SONG 2010!
you will understand after listening to it.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

When will i ever

Sunday, November 14, 2010

When I was young

When I was young, I always ask myself, why am I so skinny, why can't I be shorter like my friends. Why am I tall and skinny. I wasn't happy about myself. Why did my parents treat me this way. Why I cannot afford this? Why? Many things. Now I realized all my blessing, after you left. Take care. I really miss you a great deal everyday and thank you for making me understand.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

I miss you

Friday, October 15, 2010

love saint

A lot of people ask me, what to do in their relationship. How? What to do? Why? I have problem dealing with my own. Just no one knows

weekends

Now I finally understand what it means when coldplay sings "fighting with my weekend"

X & Y

I feel it now.

Feeling restless

!@!@!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

peace

Feeling peace and serenity coming into my world. I sometimes don't even have to take my pills anymore to have a good sleep. Amen.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

How was your day?

oh, knocked down a wall which was suppose to remain, caught in the rain, a few bus rides. Nothing fancy.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Bliss and normal

that's what i want for everyday.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

for the sake of 4 wheels

I will work hard

Anger management

Anger management. I never seems to have a problem like this in the past. People are surprised that I even raise my voice. This year, too many times, I lost my temper. Told passengers off when I was still flying. Shouted at my maid quite a few times. Lost my temper at someone who loves me a great deal yesterday. I don't like all this. I feel bad after losing my temper. Really really bad. I hate to be shouted at. That's why I never like to raise my voice because I know no one in this world will also like to be shouted at. i must admit I started drinking a lot this year. And started to smoke quite a ridiculous amount of cigarettes now. There are many other factors. New job is also affecting me. Many things I just don't understand. Filing papers, organizing my own timetable, learning new things everyday, travelling up and down Singapore in the harsh weather in a concrete jungle hunting for destination. It's not that I cannot take it. I told myself I must be someone who enjoys my new job even though it's tough, so that it does not feels like a job. I sometimes only get 4-5 hours sleep a day.

I keep asking myself why can people do it while I can't. Can get very frustrating. It's a new path I chose. I will not regret. And i will work harder towards it. I just hope I don't have anymore flare up.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Going back to the past

For months and months I been wanting to go back to the past. Now I question myself. Will I been the same person now if I went back to the past? Or is it just me. I sometimes wonder why can people do it while I can't. Or is it I grown to a age when I can't do it. When I lost all fantasy and too much reality in me which makes me not dare dream like in the past. In the past I would had easily said yes and commit to it. And do risky "things" in life which for love which I lost faith in. I know it sounds silly and I am behaving like a school kid. Oh well, sometimes things just runs through my mind.

Monday, August 9, 2010

What if

Aging with grace

When randomly browsing through www.thesartorialist.com

I happen to come across this photo

I have got no idea who she is, but her smile.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Obsession with tech

Kind of crazy that I spend so much time on my phone, hunting for better signal. One fine day I will ditch all this. I know I will and I can :-)

Friday, July 16, 2010

Your skin

one of the item in my list "50 things before I die"

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The Scientist

NO BODY SAID IT WAS EASY.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

STOP AND STARE!

I think I am moving but I don't know where!

Monday, July 12, 2010

still waking up feel "uneasy"

It's a feeling I don't know how to describe. A mental thing. feels very uncomfortable.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

The reason why I love Coldplay so much

because they sing the most romantic songs. Songs with poetic lyrics and songs that teaches people how to love and let go.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Something new

My last flight with a heavy heart. A major thing in life happened to me which makes me change the whole thinking about life. Change of point of view. Change of lifestyle. Too many changes which I can't and don't want to write here. I will fly again, one day, when I am "back again"